How To Review An Album

This is an open letter to anyone who decides, whether professionally or in leisure, to write and publish a review of an album. I am in no way an expert, but as a huge fan of music and someone who takes writing seriously, I have just a few thoughts on how to best express yourself and not sound like a complete moron.

(As a side note, this all stems from a review I read last night that irked me enough to dwell on it all day long and try to figure out how to get my point across without merely yelling “dumb shit!”.)

1. Writing a review of an album is a purely subjective thing. Whether you like it or not is completely your opinion. However, when writing a review of an album, you should actually review the album! Don’t vent about how much you loathe a band for 2 paragraphs of a 3 paragraph review. That doesn’t help me understand an album. Speaking broadly on the musical landscape that you despise just drags things out.

2. On that same point, don’t use those 2 paragraphs of a 3 paragraph review to talk about how much you love another band. This would fit much better in an op-ed piece on the band you actually like. In a music review, I don’t want to know how much you stroke yourself every night thinking about your musical idol and all the dirty perverse things you would do should you get the chance to meet them. You are wasting my time. You also sound like a pathetic tool.

3. If you are so lazy that you can no longer talk about bands by spelling out their entire name and choose to abbreviate (this is in regards to a written published article), using proper abbreviations are appreciated. It also shows your grasp on how abbreviations actually work. When you have trouble accomplishing this, I’ve already begun to discount your musical opinion because you didn’t have the insight to have anyone look over your work.

Just a few helpful thoughts to get you through an effective music review. Try not to think just about your own opinions, but how you are presenting them, and how they will be comprehended and digesting by your readers.

And, to ‘KSP’ (I know how to abbreviate)…you’re a dumb shit.